I met with my supervisor and HR person yesterday afternoon to discuss a new position in the company. Same department, different duties. And as they were selling me on this position that had no change in pay, they told me that they thought I was very valuable to the company but that they felt I’d be more suited to this newly created role moreso. My supervisor said she could see that I didn’t loved the job (the one I’m in now). I wanted to tell her that I never loved job. But she didn’t have to. She spoke the words for me. And she was dead on. As she continued talking, I realized something. It showed.
My lack of passion in my 9 to 5 showed to the rest of the world no matter how well I thought I might be hiding it. I can crack jokes, join in the laughter but at the end of the day, I don’t care for this job. I really don’t.
But for my gigs, it’s a different story. I will come into work late, leave early, call out — all of which I have done at one point or another — for a side a hustle. I’m sure experts would say not to do that, but that’s how much more I enjoy doing those hustles. So much so I’d risk my full time hours for a one time or repeat side work. And it shows.
I’ve known for a while that what matters to us as peopel will be shown to us through our actions and beliefs, but I didn’t always think others could see it as well. But when there’s passion in the things we do or want to do, it will show.
And that’s okay. It’s good to know what matters shows. If it matters to others, it will show as well. Do others tell you the same?
So… I a friend and I guess I can call her a former co-worker sent in her resignation letter Monday afternoon. I had the chance to read the draft and the final version before she emailed it to our HR department and the COO and owner of the company. And all I gotta say is…. dayum. I mean, I dream of what my last days or weeks of my current job would like but I don’t know if it would ever be something like this:
So I was going to write up this professional ass email but then I just decided to just keep it real. So some of you might know that a couple of months ago in the LA office I had a pretty bad mental break down. Some people may be ashamed or don’t feel ok talking about it, but I am different. I live with extreme anxiety and depression, but this letter is not about that. This letter is about how me having this mental breakdown at work allowed me the time I needed to reflect on not only myself, but the things that were affecting me in a negative manner. One of those things was working at ICT.
Yea, sounds fucked up right? There was so much that I loved about working at ICT. I loved being a part of a company that provides services for children with autism. Despite having to deal with rude parents, schools, BI, PM, or in the odd case CS; I still loved what I was doing. No matter what differences or struggles I also love the team. It didn’t matter if you were in the scheduling department in LA, accounting, or WC. Where the problem laid is in our management and HR department.
Yes, I said it. And it’s true.
You are always saying to come to you if you have any ideas or concerns. Always sending out your surveys and trying to figure us out with data. Even though I am not there in person here it goes. The first time I was effected in a negative manner by management and HR was when they sat me down and wanted to talk about how they thought I wasn’t doing so great in my department. I get it, sometimes these conversations need to happen. Usually after that type of conversation I would think that management would give their employee a plan to work on and then touch bases in a few months to see how you were doing. Did that happen for me you ask? NOPE. Instead I was told by not only my manager Teresa Solis but also HR VP Janet Brown that “Noni doesn’t care if you have kids.” Tell me, how in any way does this comment help their employee succeed? That comment has stuck with me the whole almost four years I have been with this company. I am not perfect in any way, but one thing I know is that I am a hardworking dedicated employee. All I have ever worked on I do it with pride. I think only once or twice in the four years I worked for ICT was I ever acknowledged by my supervisor for all the hard work and amount of work I have done. I can sit here and go on and on about this, but I am not going to. A lot of focus goes to the clinical staff. Yea, they are the ones out on the field but you know what they are not the only ones that matter. The admin matter too! Why don’t we get the same benefits? The same allowance to be taken out to be shown we are appreciated? What, because we are all replaceable? Believe me, I have also been told by management. Why is it so hard to actually value your admin? Why do you think that most people in the office don’t speak up truthfully unless it is done anonymously. Because we know that if anything negative is said this will be taken out on us some way. When management can’t be trusted as well as not being able to trust HR how is anyone going to feel comfortable reaching out to make our work environment more constructive? Oh, and then there was that time when all of scheduling in LA was put into Janet’s old office and were told to stop talking to each other about what we are paid…that was fun. Every time our department was pulled into a meeting there was an unsettling feeling over the department that I am sure I am not the only one that felt it. Another fun flash back, when HR Janet and (I really don’t remember why she was employed by ICT) Julie told the scheduling department that if we didn’t like our jobs to leave…Classic.
Oh another scheduling department favorite in which I am very sure I am not the only one that had this encounter. When your supervisor Teresa tells you that she has eyes and ears everywhere when she is not in the office. How is this ok? Why do you feel you need to big brother your department? How about instead worrying about what is being said in the office worry about being a more effective and professional supervisor. Stop telling the department that things are changing for the better and then nothing changes. For example our yearly performance reviews. What ever happened to that? The first time I was reviewed the first thing that was said to me was that there was no raise with that review. Then the following review when “things were going to change” we were told we would be having yearly reviews. This review should have taken place in February. Oh, and then waiting over two years for any type of raise I was given a slap in the face with what I was given. But when my help was needed when my department was short a Caseload planner, or when help was needed with SAC when what’s her face that was hired as a Caseload planner was not doing her job, and then help was needed in the OC and I was told I would be assisting I did this without hesitation. But of course that was overseen right? And the fact that I am the only senior scheduler that was never offered a caseload planning position despite me openly speaking to my supervisor regarding this matter. But when it was to management’s benefit to throw in my face that I am a senior scheduler that was only time that mattered. Well that was a bad move on managements part. You can sit there and hire others with so called experience but none of that experience can prepare these people for the way they will be treated in ICT. Why do you think there is such a high turnover rate now in our department? Oh yea, and stop lying about working on our department budget to help benefit us. We all know that shit isn’t going to happen. So that is enough rambling from me, believe me I could go on and on. I hope this information is helpful and helps open up the conversation about how the admin staff is treated, how there should be changes made in management, and why HR isn’t more neutral and professional about how they approach department issues.
Shout out to the accounting department. You guys work hard AF too. Love you guys.
It is not healthy for me to return to this toxic work environment. I have worked on helping myself to much to return to what I know is never going to change. That is like getting back with a boyfriend / girlfriend that you know you have a fucked up relationship with. You can try and lie to yourself that this next time will be different, but deep down you know you are lying to yourself.
So with that said.
This is a cat…
And this is also my resignation effective immediately.
Yes. She wrote all that and yes, this heifa had the audacity to include a cat picture in her resignation letter.
I shared this with my mother and my mother was displeased hearing this, but — hey, I’m all for people burning whatever bridges they wish. I get it. When you have that much animosity for a company has professionally done you wrong for years, sometimes you gotta vent.
Would you ever share/say this to a employer you couldn’t wait to leave?
I just got home. From work. Which would be normal at this time had I went in the office around 9:30am or 10:00am.
But, no. I was there at 7:30am. Left as at 6:00pm. Quite literally I was there from open to close. Well, technically, our West Covina office opens at 6:30am, but whatever. I there for 10 hours. Why 10 hours, you ask? Definitely not from the goodess of my soul. We’ve been short staffed in our department since the middle of March and I’ve been staying overtime when I can. And come to find out this afternoon before leaving work, we’re gonna be short staff another person because her father passed away in the Philippines.
So… that means we go from doing double work in our department to do triple work.
Now, I would love say this why people quit and start their businesses and ventures but it’s now. It’s really not. I’m planning on terminating my job because I don’t feel valued where I work and I’ve never really felt valued. I feel more like I’m a machine that orders are fed into and I’m supposed to spit out. I feel like a Hebrew slave!
But seriously, being continuously piled on with other people’s work and having deadlines being regularly shortened is not my bag. And I get it, life happens to us — the parts of life we can’t control, like the death of a loved and the mental breakdown of a coworker. Shit happens.
But it would be nice if management acknowledged our efforts, especially when it’s for the team. ‘Cause, listen, I can be all about Michelle every day all day long and not give a damn. I really could. But I want to enjoy my work and who I’m working around. Whether it’s in the office for an employer for the short foreseeable future or for myself.
And days like these are reminders… motivators, to some extent, as to why I’m so hell bent on being on my own. I want to control my own happiness. And my happiness, in large part, comes from what I do.
I wonder how many of my tribe feel like this too.
“Please send me a quick email with the status of your October calendars.
Are they complete?
Have they been mailed/emailed?
How many are pending? Why?
When do you expect to be done?
This is the kind of shit my supervisor will email to us (everyone in my department) that pisses me off. You know how you’re so annoyed with what was just said or done that you just gotta laugh it off because if you react too fast, you wind up fired? It’s like, what fresh bullshit is this?! Did my supervisor really ask why weren’t we done with our October calendars after asking how many are pending? For real?! Because I’m working on other shit you put on my plate, that’s why THIS particular shit isn’t done yet. ‘Cause I’m working. On. Something. Else.
Just laugh to keep from losing your job.