Yes, I’m still high from attending the Girlboss Rally this weekend. And over those two days, I was reminded of something very important we women do but shouldn’t: we carry the burden of work – whatever work we do – all alone as if we’re the only ones experiencing our sort or level or dedication and standard.
Taking a page from the business consultant, Ivy Slater, we get more work done when we ask for support. Whether we need to go to a women’s conference such as the Girlboss Rally to be reminded of this. Or if need to ask out closest friend, like Elle is to me, to contribute to our blog, we need to ask for support. We need to network. Meet up with other like minded women, share our work or what we’re working on. Not for validation or for compliments. But for support. Our there is our tribe… let’s meet them halfway.
Literally. My mother used to tell me as a child:
association brings about assimilation
And now that I am wiser and older, I believe her wholeheartedly. The company we’re constantly involved with and have in our lives directly affects our lives. And oftentimes, our livelihood. Sounds like a stretch? Then follow me on this train of logic.
Affluent people hang around other affluent people. People in poverty spend time with other people in poverty. Celebrities tend to marry other celebrities. Birds of a feather flock together. Does that ring a bell? Too vague? It’s been said and supposedly studied that we are all the summation of the top 5 people when spend the most time around. So, whomever we tend to share time with, break bread with are the people we’re most likely to reflect. Assimilate.
But how does that affect our dollars and cents?
Think about it: if you’re spending time with people who don’t amount to much and don’t want to amount to much, chances are you probably aren’t amounting to much either. The wealthy tend to spend time with other wealthy people. Think about all those inner circles and clubs and societies most of us could never be in. We’re not on that level. That financial level.
Elle and I had a long talk about this Sunday afternoon about keeping the right people around us and we decided we are each other’s tribe. Well, we didn’t really just decide that then. We’ve always known it, it just was reiterated in our conversation. But we understand our strong will and determination helps pump the other up so when we call each other we’re already on the same wave length. We get each other. And we give each other business. She refers me to new clients — what’s starting to feel like — all the time. And I help her craft and polish her business ideas and give her guidance in what direction to go in. Because good company cares about your success. Good people want to see you succeed. Good friends and tribe members want to revel in success with you.
Because they too know it matters having the right people have your back. It’s more than friendship. It’s your livelihood.
I’m a big advocate for building a tribe. I talk about it as work but I also talk about it among my tribe, ironically enough, because I believe so whole-heartedly in having people in our lives that we vibe with. I think it’s important that we have people who understand us and share our ambitions. This dual lifestyle we live isn’t easy. Juggling everything all the time isn’t fun or delightful. And those that aren’t hustling or don’t have a side gig would simply tell us to stop if we’re so tired, or so overwhelmed, or so confused or whatever else we feel so often. But they don’t understand the “why”.
They see someone doing too much and do they say stop. We see someone doing too little and ask why they haven’t started. And then we have a clash of energies. And we do clash with people who don’t get it. We clash with people who aren’t striving for similar self-rewarding goals. They’re just doing enough to get by. That’s fine for them. But obviously, that’s not fine for us. Which is why we hustle. We grind. We strive. We aim. Yet, we also need to understand it isn’t fine to be around the energy of those that do too little.
I don’t know who said it, but I heard that it’s easier to be influenced to do less and give up than it is to do more and achieve. Probably because most people aren’t big on achieving. A lot of people as they get older stop setting goals. They stop making plans. If you want to achieve anything, you need to keep setting goals. You need to keeping aiming for something. People who just want to get by doing the bare minimum have no goals. They have no direction. And they are worst kind of energy to be around.
At least for high achievers and hustlers. See, we have a reason and a purpose for what we do. So when someone tells us to stop, it’s because they are tired of comparing themselves to us. And if we stop working so hard, were just like them. Executing the bare minimum and accepting less from ourselves.
Ladies, don’t. I don’t care who’s telling you to stop or you’re doing too much. Keep up the hustle. You got your reasons and you have your goals. Just focus on that. And those bad energy people, just gently nudge them away. They’re not ready to see success. And don’t they need to be tearing down yours.
This past Sunday, I attended a women’s writing workshop in the Leimert Park area that I found via MeetUp. I was really excited to be going and to be a part of this hopefully ongoing experience. And although originally 10 of us were scheduled to meet, 5 of us showed up in the rain and had ourselves a productive time. Even with a small turnout, our backgrounds were very diverse and everyone seemed to be doing something different. Two of the women were sci-fi/ fantasy writers, two women had podcasts, one woman was currently working in communications writing, another was a script writer.
Didn’t I say there was 5 of us? Yes. A lot of the women had multiple projects going on which Ioved because they were like… me. I had found a tribe to belong to.
Now, I know I’ve mentioned the importance of finding one’s tribe before and I still stand on that belief that having women of like mindness to be part of is a key to our individual success. And on Sunday, I got to live that experience, if only for 2 hours.
As a writing group, most of our conversation took place at the beginning and end of our MeetUp, which was enough time for us writers to get to know one another, exchange information, connect and start building a bond.
A tribe takes a minute to build. It’s not going to happen overnight. It takes time. Just like friendships. Just like relationships. But finding people to support you, to encourage you, to cheer you on, to give you feedback and be a resource to you is important. It helps us be accountable to ourselves but also helps us stay committed.
Have you found your tribe yet?